Funny Answers to What You Would Spend Money on

Let's be honest, sometimes talking money and finances is boring. To bring a little humor to our regular financial talk, we rounded up the best money jokes out there for your entertainment!

1. Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they're asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.
2. How do dinosaurs pay their bills? With Tyrannosaurus checks!
3. My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I told him, "My door is always open".
4. I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spends less than me.
5. Where do frogs deposit their money? In a river bank.
6. A girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Her mother replied "Older than most mortgages."
7. If time is money are ATM's time machines?
8. I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
9. If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone's favorite season? Fall.
10. The stock market is weird.  Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.

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11. What's the best part about Valentine's Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
12. I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.
13. My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
14. Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don't get to go on.
15. You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
16. How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? If it's a three-dollar bill, you can be sure.
17. Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
18. Nothing says' I love my dog' quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own
19. I am going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs.
20. Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
21. Is everything expensive or I'm just broke all the time?
22. I am currently boycotting the companies that sell items I can't afford.
23. College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.
24. I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.
25. There's nothing I've learned from being a parent that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.
26. When does it rain money? When there is change in the weather.
27. What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.
28. Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.
29. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
30. If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden.
31. What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.
32. Why do I keep paying the bills? It just encourages them to send more.
33. How can you get rich by eating? Eat fortune cookies.
34. Where do penguins keep their money? In snowbanks.
35. I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
36. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments.
37. I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
38. Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free.
39. I don't mean to brag but I'm helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can't really talk about it.
40. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
41. What did the duck say after he went shopping? Put it on my bill!
42. What type of money do crabs use? Sand dollars!
43. What do you call it when you lend money to a bison? Buff-a-loan!
44. Personal financing is very…INTERESTing
45. If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
46. Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.
47. What's the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the lottery.
48. I now know why I used to love Christmas as a child. I did not have to pay for the gifts!
49. How much money does a skunk have? One scent!
50. "The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money." said the IRS auditor

Our funny sources:

• https://www.free-funny-jokes.com/funny-money-jokes.html
• http://www.jokes4us.com/moneyjokes.html
• https://onelinefun.com/money/4/
• https://www.rd.com/jokes/money/
• http://www.enchantedlearning.com/jokes/topics/money.shtml
• https://www.jokesbykids.com/money/page/2/
• http://www.progress-to-financial-freedom.com/financial-jokes.html#sthash.GEzKV1l4.dpbs
• http://www.quotespeak.com/professional-quotes/money-quotes/top-50-jokes-money-one-liners/3/

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Source: https://www.firstalliancecu.com/blog/50-best-money-related-jokes

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